How to win the War on Terror, from Parade Magazine
This Sunday, after I had read all other interesting sections of the Chicago Tribune(Main, Perspective, Sports, Metro, Q and comics), I was bored and was leafing through the Parade Magazine. For those who don't know, Parade is nothing but one celebrity fluff story after another to make the reader feel connected without really challenging their intellect. An example would be this story on Donovan Patton, who plays Joe on Blue's Clues.
While reading the article, I learned that Donovan is a cousin of US General George S. Patton. I wonder what Old Blood and Guts would do if he found out that a relative of his made a living playing games with a cartoon dog.
But when I was discussing this article with Eric, a stroke of genius came over us. What if we played Blue's Clues to find Osama Bin Laden?!? Joe can solve any puzzle with three clues and 22 minutes. He could jog around Afghanistan and children off camera could shout "A clue! A clue!" Of Course, Joe wouldn't be able to find it because he would look over the wrong shoulder, but with the persistent calling from the audience, he would get the clues. All we need to do is put the thinking chair on a warship with cruise missiles and the game can come to a quick and pleasant end.
While reading the article, I learned that Donovan is a cousin of US General George S. Patton. I wonder what Old Blood and Guts would do if he found out that a relative of his made a living playing games with a cartoon dog.
But when I was discussing this article with Eric, a stroke of genius came over us. What if we played Blue's Clues to find Osama Bin Laden?!? Joe can solve any puzzle with three clues and 22 minutes. He could jog around Afghanistan and children off camera could shout "A clue! A clue!" Of Course, Joe wouldn't be able to find it because he would look over the wrong shoulder, but with the persistent calling from the audience, he would get the clues. All we need to do is put the thinking chair on a warship with cruise missiles and the game can come to a quick and pleasant end.
posted by Peter Young @ 10:52 PM
3 Comments:
At 6:22 AM,
Paul said…
Wow! Five links in one post. Very impressive.
At 10:44 AM,
Anonymous said…
There's a hair styling shop near where I work downtown just off of Congress Parkway and Dearborn called Osama's. I'll bet he's in there, but the ACLU is probably blocking the Feds from storming the place due to name profiling.
If the same people who run Fantasy Football, Rotisserie Baseball, the death-watch game, etc. could come-up with a gambling game where average everyday people were to submit their guesses as to where Osama is for a large sum of money if they are correct, I'd bet we could find him that way, and save the country a lot of money, and also free-up the CIA to research and inform us where any additional WMDs are not to be found.
After dinner and playing with Faith last night, I stumbled onto WWF Monday Night Raw. Normally, this would not grab my attention and I would flip to the next station, but Hulk Hogan made an appearance, apparently returning to wrestling, and he looked pretty impressive to me. Maybe he could be hired by the feds to find Osama. I bet the Hulkster and all of his hulkamaniacs could do it if asked.
At 6:06 AM,
Paul said…
Sean, Hulk Hogan's a great idea! I'm imagining the press conference after he capture's Osama right now.
And if he's not available, we'll call the A-Team over on Spooner Street.
Post a Comment
<< Home