Oh the power I wield

Until Tuesday morning, I didn't realize that all by myself, I had the power to disrupt American Airlines flight schedule. It started Tuesday morning, when I was scheduled to go to Santa Ana for my bi-weekly trip to Greer. Right as the plane was about to board, I started to feel a little diarrhea, come on. So, I quickly went to the newsstand and bought some pepto and a vitamin water. I went to the bathroom before I got on the plane and figured that was that.

The first leg of our trip was Tulsa to DFW, a mere 40 minutes. I figured if I could make this part of the trip, the pepto would kick in and everything would be alright. And my plan seems to be working, through takeoff and most of the flight, no problem. But with about ten minutes to go, I begin to feel a rumbling in my stomach. Ok, I think to myself, lets just get this over with and land. So I get up and head to the bathroom.

As I near the back of the plane, I see one of my co-workers Beth. We nod but I don't waste time exchanging pleasantries. As I open the door, something very unexpected happens. I threw up. Do you remember the vomit scene from the Exorcist? I covered the bathroom with vomit. It went flying out of me with an urgency I had never before experienced. It even came out of my nostrils. This was quite a shock to me as I had not felt any indications that I would throw up. But after that, I actually felt better.

However, the plane that I was on was scheduled to continue through to Denver. Well the crew decide that they could not get the bathroom cleaned in time for that to happen. So the airline had to get another plane, and all the passengers had to get off at DFW. I wonder how much my vomit cost them?

Of course, as I felt better I thought I should keep going. Come on, I thought, the worst is over. I mean I've got nothing in me left to puke. But I was wrong. Shortly after takeoff on the two and a half hour flight from DFW, it starts all over again. And I spend most of the flight, including landing, in the bathroom. Of course all this puking and diarrhea makes me dehydrated. Which over the course of two hours sends me into shock by the time the plane lands. Plus two hours of vomiting starts to cause my abdominal muscles tp cramp. Needless to say, by the time we get to Santa Ana I'm going to the hospital.

At the hospital, they give me fluids, but won't let me wash out my mouth which is dry as a bone and covered in dehydrated vomit. But that's not the worst. The doctor once he discovered that I had some abdominal pain, was concerned that it wasn't the vomiting that caused the pain. Perhaps, he thought, the pain was appendicitis. So he wanted to check for that. With a barium enema.

Now the cruelity of ordering an enema on a guy whose got things shooting out his butt at mach 2 is almost unmatched. And the tech, was as nice as a guy could be, for someone who has to give enemas.

The good news is that I don't have appendicitis. But I was order to have bed rest and I came home Wednesday. Actually my boss wanted to send me home on Tuesday, but I didn't think it would be a good time to fly. I had already wrecked to AA planes. I'm not sure they would have let me board.