The Wizard of Speed and Time

Just a bunch of things I think are interesting or funny.

Friday, June 30, 2006

The Prime Minister and the President pay homage to the King

The Prime Minister of Japan loves Elvis. He has produced records where he sings Elvis tunes. He once described Japan's foreign policy to President Bush using only Elvis lyrics. And he may have the best pompador in Japan.

So when Bush suggested to the PM that they should go to Graceland, the PM quickly agreed. Click here for story. Their tour guides, Lisa Marie and Priscilla.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Did you ever see the movie Ben/?

Near San Francisco, police found a man living in a dingy one room apartment with roughly 1,000 rats. Voluntarily. He wanted them there. EEWWWWW.

Well the cops charged him with misdemeanor animal cruelty and took control of the vermin. Most of the rats were then euthanized. Somehow, this has angered the rat loving community, who knew they were a community. Click here for story. These folks wanted the cops to seek them out to put up these rats. I don't see the cops taking that kind of time for this. Plus there are still rats languishing in shelters, take these first, then complain.

The guy, Roger Dier, is quite a character. He is convicted armed robber who first gained notoriety when his home in Southern California was used as a hideout for two men later convicted in the 1963 plot to kidnap the son and namesake of Rat Pack leader Frank Sinatra, didn't seem like a bad guy, just a bit troubled.

"He's an intelligent man to talk to, but he smells like rat urine," police said. "He told me that when he had only 100 of them, he'd let them sleep with him in his bed. They'd get all in his shorts and stuff. And you can't potty train them, so you know they were urinating and defecating in there."

EEWWW!

Extra Protein in Candy

Keep an eye out when you bite into that Snickers bar or take that handful of M&Ms, you may be getting more than you bargained for. The City of Chicago suht down the local plant for its failure to get rid of a fruit fly infestation. Click here for story.

And be sure to spit if the peanut leave a nasty taste in your mouth. But save it, don't forget I'm a lawyer.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Best Limbaugh Joke

For those who don't know, Rush was detained at the airport for having Viagra which was not prescribed to him. Click here for story.

Craig Ferguson: Do you think Rush's erection leans to the right?

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Twinkie Burritos?

I don't know why this is news, because the cookbook was released last year, but the Trib has a stroy on The Twinkie Cookbook. I understand using the treats for desserts and have seen a twinkie Tiramisu on Food Network. But how does the super sweet spongecake work in lasagna and burritos? Click here for the Trib Story.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Now the nation can go back to ignoring soccer and hockey

US lost to Ghana 2-1. Eliminated from World Cup.

Carolina Hurricanes won Stanley Cup.

Both hockey and soccer played at a high level are fascinating and a joy to watch. We will not see any in Illinois in the near future.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

No matter how you get around Chicago...You're gonna die

The Trib wants you to know that simply moving in Chicago is hazardous to your health. On its website this afternoon you will discover death for Air travel, Car travel, commuter rail, even death for sailors on shore leave. I'm just going to stay home.

Who knew A-B had such power


The World Cup makes people do weird things. For example, many people wear clothing that they normally would not even consider attractive. Such is the case for the fans of the Netherlands, whose supporters have taken to wearing bright orange lederhosen. You can get a pair at this link with the purchase of a twelve pack of Bavaria Beer.

Except, Anheuser-Busch is a main corporate sponsor of the World Cup. A-B did not appreciate the marketing of a competitor and so when the Dutch fans came to the match they were not allowed inside until they removed their lederhosen. Leaving several hundred fans watching the match in their underwear. Click here for story.

Better the world see a few thousand pantless Dutch then to have them see unwelcomed advertising.

Monday, June 19, 2006

POE and OPE

Determined not to have a seed gap, Norway has built a doomsday vault to save its seeds in the event of a global disaster. Click here for story. The vault has been called "Noah's Ark on Svalbard."

This development scares me. I am reminded of Phil's strategy in Super Risk, load up on Svalbard and eventually take over the world. I don't trust them.

Saturday, the day of pain

I hope everyone had a good weekend. As I did not. And it was so promising too. Here was the plan: 1) Take Sarah to Flea Market and help her set up; 2) Take kids back home and play for a while; 3) Go back and give Sarah a break around 10; 3) Pick Sarah up around 1:30; 4) leave from Flea Market with Nick and go to the new Chicago Fire Stadium to watch World Cup Match; 5) go home to unpack the stuff from Flea Market; 6) Go to Govner's Pub for dinner. Sounds pretty good.

Well things did not get off to a good start. First, the Flea Market was on the shadeless blacktop parking lot of the Berwyn VFW hall. So it was hot as an oven. Second the Flea Market did not seem to be well advertised, since the traffic was very low. We only made around $80, and that's not very good for 5 hours. Especially if you consider the fact that I sold $20 worth of stuff during the 10 minutes I was watching the stand.

After the kids and I gave Sarah a break, we decided to visit the small park across the alley. But as it was hot and early, there were no other kids for Nick to play with. And since I had to keep an eye on Scooter, he quickly became bored. So we left.

Nothing bad happened while we were home. But Scooter, tired from the heat fell asleep before lunch. And since her regular naptime is after lunch, she got all out of sorts.

When we went to pick up Sarah, most of the other vendors had already left. I packed up the van for Sarah, who was quite disappointed with the low turnout and heat. And I took Nick to th Fire Stadium. The nice thing about the stadium is that it is right down Harlem. It only took us 15 minutes to get there. The stadium itself is quite nice, and since both parking and admission was free, not a bad way to watch US v. Italy. Once we arrived, we settled in with about 400 or so other fans sitting in the stands watching the game, pretty cool. Except there was nothing for Nick to do. I thought there was going to be other things up and going, but I was wrong. Within 20 minutes he was bored out of his skull and tired. So, since we didn't pay to get in, I was ok with leaving at halftime.

Once home, I began to unload the van. And when I finished I was putting away the tables when I made a huge blunder. In rolling the table next to the downstairs fridge, I clipped the wires for my temperature controller (which I use to lager my homebrew). The controller flew off the fridge and broke the release value on the water heater. As the release valve sat on the floor, the heater began to release 30 gallons of water on to my cluttered basement floor.

The rest of my plans washed away with this water. Since I had to shut off the water, we needed a place to stay. So I called up my folks to put us up. And then I arranged with my dad to spend father's day putting in a new water heater.

But the day was not done. Before we could go up to my folk's house the dog got out. So I wasted 20 minutes looking for the dog. This put us way past dinner so we decided to go to a fast food restaurant. Since we don't care where we eat we asked Nick where he wanted to go. Nick replied that since Burger King has GI Joe toys in its Kids Meals, he wanted to go there. Of course once we get to Burger King, they're out of toys.

Finally we get to my Folk's house. But my day isn't over. Since I could not get a hold of my neighbor, I have to go back to my house late at night and let the dog out. He can't hold it for 15 hours and I like my stuff to be as free of dog urine as possible. So at 9:00 I take the hour drive back to my place. When I get there, I find that not only do we have no water, but the power is out for the entire block. Nice, at this point I can only laugh.

I drive back to my folk's home and arrive at 11:15. Naturally, Scooter refuses to go to sleep and she cries until around 11:45. Finally, around midnight I get to sleep and the day is over.

Old Adage proven with yardsigns

Robert Frost said that "good fences make good neighbors." If only these people had listened. A couple of neighbors in Columbia City, Indiana have had a problem which a good fence seems to be the obvious solution. One neighbor's dog gets on the property of the other. The offended neighbor shoots, kills and incinerates the dog. Click here for story.

Of course, it doesn't end there. Since the local authorities have decided not to concern themselves with this, the neighbors have decided to express their mutual displeasure with homemade signs. Poorly made homemade signs. First sign: "My Neighbor, Larry Shrock, House on Left up on Hill (arrow) Shot My Dog, Then Burned It." Second sign: "Mowrey Road Dog Killer Ahead On Left, Two Shot and Killed, One Burned." Response sign: "Neighbor's Dog Killed My Pet Bunnies, Scared My Granddaughter. I Warned Him Twice." Reply sign: "Grandkid? That was not mentioned in police report No Rabbits were harmed Larry you shot my dog Jake and threw him in an incinirator worthless low life scum."

No love thy neighbor here.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Inspiring, just don't be funny

The AFI has done it again. I wasted another night on the couch watching the list of the 100 most inspiring movies of all time. Click here for the list. I only have one problem with the list, apparently the AFI doesn't believe that a movie can be funny and inspiring. What about The Bad News Bears, Bull Durham or The Blues Brothers. Don't these movies inspire? I think they do. Even Sixteen Candles and the Breakfast Club are not listed.

And where's Stalag 17?

Not so average

I decided to do this test since I am currently reading Kevin O'Keefe's book "The Average American" which details his quest to find the most statistically average american living today. Click here for a story on NPR about the book. It's an interesting read since he not only uses statistics, but he also discusses the notion of what is average or ordinary. And, not surprisingly, whether it is good to be as such.

It's a fair read. Some of the data and interviews are engaging, but too much of the book drags on which too little direction. I haven't finished it yet, I should by the end of the week.

You Are 50% "Average American"

You are average because you drink on occasion.

You are not average since you would pay to go in space.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Real Life Simpsons Intro

Neat.

Not sure I need a job bad enough to do this

Problem: how to obtain bull semen for artificial insemination. Solution: build a go kart for the bull to have "relations" with. Click here for story. Hate to be the driver.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Europe wants more Mars stuff

In England, they are trumpeting their plan to send a robot to Mars and have it dig in the soil for samples looking for signs of life. Click here for story. While the Germans are planning to float a balloon in the Martian atmosphere to take readings there. Click here for story.

Nothing from the Norwegians at this time.

Interesting Article

***WARNING - POSSIBLE PHILOSOPHICAL CONTENT, MOST LIKELY NOT FUNNY****

I found an article on the New York Times website in which a philosopher of medical ethics argues that the rhythm method, a popular form of birth control amongst the strict anti-abortion crowd, results in millions of embryos dying due to their failure to implant in the womb or their failure to properly develop. Click here for story.

Now there is some questions as to the scientific claims of the timing of the formation of the embyro and its relationship to its viability, but it does raise some troubling ideas.

If you take the position that life begins at conception, is it not cruel to concieve when the embryo has no chance of implantation, and will thus necessarily die. Especially if the parents of the embryo timed their sexual activity to prevent the implantation of any such embryo.

I'm not sure what I think of this.

Monday, June 12, 2006

Real Transformer

Check this out.

Of course it's healthy

Two beer news items today. A team of researchers at Oregon State has concluded that a compound from hops may prevent prostate cancer. Click here for story. Now the story immediately downplays this wonderful news by stating that a person would have to drink 17 beers for any benefit. And their point is...

Second, The House of Representatives gave unanimous consent to House Resolution 753 which commends American Craft Brewers. Click here for a copy of the resolution. The resolution is nothing but fluff, but who doesn't like fluff.

Weekend of domestication

Friday was Nick's first day of summer break. So Sarah decided that we should all, that's my family and Kevin one of the kids she watches, go to the zoo. Overall pretty good, since the morning was a little cold and threatening rain, the crowds stayed away. So we could go and do whatever we wanted. The only problem is that the boys started fighting after lunch on the playground, and I had to break them up.

That night, after Kevin's parents picked him up, we decided to go out to eat. But on the way to the van, Nick and I tripped over one another and my knee banged into the curb. I still hurts to the touch.

On Saturday ,we went to a graduation party for Erin Jures.

On Sunday, I finally installed the new faucet in the kitchen and repaired the door to the pantry. Lots of fun.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Blarney





Your Inner European is Irish!









Sprited and boisterous!

You drink everyone under the table.


Lawn Furniture of the Future

As I was walking home from taking the boys to school, I noticed that I could see one of those miniature wooden windmills decorating three different lawns in one block. The fact that these are popular is no surprise, my folks have had one, and I've often seen them in stores.

But as my mind wandered, I wondered if the means of power today will someday decorate the lawns of tomorrow in miniature wooden form. I'm thinking of a miniature wooded nuclear cooling towers or tiny petroleum refineries. The real fancy ones will have a little propane burner pretending to burn off impurities.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Our Father, who art in GOOAAALLL!!!!

Always looking for a new way to fill the pews, some churches in Germany are going to show World Cup matches in an attempt to get people in the door. Click here for story. Also some churches have scheduled their services around matches so worshipers may go to Church before going to the game.

Frankly, I think this is brilliant. That is if they allow for beer and food at the services as well. Let's face it, some organist playing the Old Hundredth ain't going to cut it when Tunisa is locked in a scoreless tie with Saudi Arabia.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Scout Nick?

Today, Nick brought home from school a flier for scouts. He is now eligible to be a Tiger Cub Scout. So we're going to go to an ice cream social on Monday to see what it's all about.

Now keep in mind that just yesterday, we signed him up for summer soccer. I better get a job soon to pay for my son's outgoing personality.